i'm insignificant, no?
to quote you, always 'the first on your last list'.

you say this you do that.
you leave but never come back.
when i ask you you think hard
to come up w an excuse, to try your luck.
when i get mad, you're smart.
you play w your words and break my heart.
you say don't doubt me, you protest your innocence
i can only give a weary sigh and apologise for my insolence.
after all you're right and i'll always be wrong
i'll just have to wait like i always do and hope you won't take too long.
i resent the way things are done but what can i say?
you'll never understand and say i just want things to go my way.

but still, i love you.

i have found a new love dear..
-sings to tune of 'Release Me'-
but dont worry baby, youre still my number one.
i bought Tesoro today! okay fine, daddy bought him.
but he's MINE.

online now, waiting to see if youd come online.
miss called you, no reply.
guess youre really sleepy.
thank you baby, you did so much for me today, yesterday, everyday
put up w my fucks and all.
i love you angel.

should i use BT or Lwire?
okay stop here.
playing 7hand poker.

love you Tesoro!
love you asian Ellen!
love you RP!

and i love you, sweet baby.

barely four hours of sleep.
and ive got a bruise on my shin, a big one.
dont know where it came from.

meeting baby for brunch in few min.
then its time for WORK.
four rabbits are really quite a handful.

ive many things t say cos suddenly every damn shit comes flooding into my head.
about this person that is.
firstly, i need someone t define 'friendship' for me.
i know i'm a loser t go on yakking about the friendship that got lost deep down under.
but i can't help it! i can't help it if i'm someone who values ties k.
grrr. i don't know, i don't hate her but i hate her?
perhaps i shouldn't have got too close.
yada
yada
trust me i can go on forever.
you vermin.

GAH. i'm staining my pretty blog with foul words.
you're not worth it man.
but i'm so sad.
i really cannot emphasize anymore on the pain of losing a best friend.
it makes me wince and grimace and all the react-to-pain words you can think of.
i think i have a new resolution.
don't stick to one god damn person and label them best friend.
it almost always turns out wrong.

i should stop, mommys home.
and i wna get out of the house to meet baby.
TA!

its becoming an everyday affair for me.
currently 6:13am

the first buses
the morning bird
the rattling of chains as the shop downstairs opens
all the sounds that mark the start of a brand new day
people are up and about
whereas ive not even gone to bed

this cannot go on.
otherwise i'll just be proving daddy right'
that i'll be a failure

i will change.
bedtime at nine starting from tomorrow.

ha, yeah right.

i miss my baby girl.
she must be in dreamland already
seeing you later today!
lots of smiles-

im dead worried.
where are you.
please God, dont take my life away from me.

please call soon.
nothings gonna happen to you.

i cant breathe.