in the end i had my way. you gave in to me.
you're just making me get even more entangled in this crazy thing
called
BLA. (:

went to school feeling happy today.
happy because i replayed the conversation we had.
i replayed, and replayed and replayed.
and i got happier, happier and happier.
i know, it was nothing special.
but to me, it meant everything.

and my old fucking self returned for a moment.
i started getting scared.
i started feeling insecure.
i started worrying.

i realised i was afraid to lose you.
its very strange hearing me say this.
after all its only been a short while.
and perhaps you might think 'my heart is playing tricks'
that, you gotta communicate with my heart to find out
cos i dont know.

i guess i was afraid that such feelings wont last.
i was afraid yours would disappear as fast as it came.
IM NOT DOUBTING YOU. or your capacity to care for someone.
cos i know you are capable of making a big difference in someone's life

i think you just made a difference in mine.
big or small, it doesnt matter
what matters is whether i'll be able to cope with this difference.

'letting it rest' is not that easy after all.
im sorry.
i cant help but think about whats gonna happen. and whats not.

im sucha fool. an immature brat who's not ready, and never gonna be ready. can you wait? no dont answer me, i think i already have your answer.

and this is so not meant to be revealed.
but when you're in your drunken stupor, nothing matters
you just wanna come clean.
and i just did.

MY INSANITY'S GETTING OUT OF HAND. somebody slap me.



WED 10TH MAY 2006 , BEFORE I DIED