i dont believe in writing a chunk of words to bring across one simple message. if its simple, put it across simply.


I MISS YOU.


and i hate myself for that. i shouldnt, i cant, i will not. i tried browsing through websites, but you appeared in my mind. i tried moving away from the laptop, you were still on my mind. i felt screwed, i picked up the phone and selected [write message] then before i could type anything i pressed the [red key] and threw my phone under my pillow. then i sat down. tried not to think. thought of blogging, and yeah, i shall. it doesnt make me feel better in any way though.

do you know what its like? when youre thinking of someone you shouldnt be thinking of? when youre feeling what you shouldnt be feeling? when youre so damn aware that what youre doing is oh-so wrong? but even so, i still feel the same. although i know its wrong. whatever, im sorry i cant be perfect.


im going out soon. to idontknowwhere. i just need to get out of this house and breath fresh air. perhaps that will help to clear my head and wake me up from this thing that i dont seem to want to wake up from. i shall still go on hoping against hopes that i would receive something, anything. from you. at least i know im not going mad. at least i know its not just me. at least i wont be that afraid. because now im really afraid im starting to fall for you. and i dont want that to happen. i will not fall for you. i will not.

i hate the way my heart stops beating when i receive a message. im painfully aware of the fact that im HOPING that its from you. and then i start getting disappointed when its not. THIS PAIN IS SO SELF-INFLICTED.

FUCK MY HEART. i shall not listen to it. im going out blog. otherwise i'l just go mad if i continue sitting in front of the laptop waiting. aimlessly. BYE!