my brains cant seem to work today. screwed up both my papers. i felt like i was taking drugs. and the words were swimming in front of me. but your words. 'at least try'. it helped. and try i did. but an effortless one. im sorry.

yes i think im right for once. there is a barrier thats coming up between us. and i goddamn made it worse by openly declaring that something. now we even have to communicate with each other through a blog. its sad, really. so sad.

painfully obvious that we're both trying to forget what happened last night. painfully obvious how much you're trying to act like you dont know anything. yes, painfully obvious. but what can i say?

i acted like i found my happiness today. i acted. life's an act isnt it? so they think im happy. maybe i really am. when im in my world full of lies. lies that make me happy. in my world where i deny the truths that hurt. in my world where i make myself happy by thinking of whats never gonna happen. then suddenly i come crashing back to earth. suddenly i realise everythings not that perfect after all.

how much longer do i have to go on lying to myself? isnt there a day where i can actually feel happy when i think of the reality? no, there wont be sucha day. stop lying to yourself, bitch. i love bitches, i love myself.

and im sorry. i ruined everything. everything in one split second. with just two words. two simple words. 'its you'. i shouldnt have. i SHOULDNT.



but it really IS you.