its 0553am now. ive not slept for the whole night. and im feeling exhausted now. emotionally rather than physically. ive admitted sth that i never thought i would have admitted. i dont really know how im feeling. im actually feeling cold. very cold. wait, am i even supposed to feel warm in the first place? no i dont think so. i guess i was right about the outcome. i just ended up feeling colder than i was before. im so convinced that we're all alone in this world.
its a huge thing for me, really. i got it out. but whats my purpose? i dont know what i want. i dont see the point, i dont this i dont that. screw myself. whats wrong with me? my brains feel sticky.
i dont know how much of this i can take. why is it so easy for you to fall asleep? why is it that your lines seemed so rehearsed? do i really really mean sth? or is it just 'another girl' for you? fuck, i really dont know. dont try to enlighten me. i cant take anymore of this.
sleepless nights spent fighting with my inner self. re-reading the messages, once twice or even thrice just to feel the warmth again and again. do you even know it? no, and you never will. cos im just 'another girl'.
its foolish i know. really. but everyones a fool in love. you gotta admit that. somehow i feel im widening the gap between us? now the pretence is really obvious. or perhaps its just me. if knowing this will actually change things between us, i hell do not want you to know anything. i only have myself to blame. fuck myself for relenting and telling you the things ive been keeping to myself. im naive to think it'l make me feel better. cos its not. im feeling worse. worse than i ever felt.
i so need to hug you. will it be cold? yes, i think it will be. it will still be cold. it has always been cold. no, i wont know. ive not touched you before. its not surprising. since i was fighting so hard to push you away. and now you wont come back.
fuck blog, its 0610. im having a paper soon. this is driving me crazy. i hate pretending im alright. i hate acting like im ok. i hate smiling to conceal my troubles. i hate it. and now im going through it again. somebody please shoot me.
its a huge thing for me, really. i got it out. but whats my purpose? i dont know what i want. i dont see the point, i dont this i dont that. screw myself. whats wrong with me? my brains feel sticky.
i dont know how much of this i can take. why is it so easy for you to fall asleep? why is it that your lines seemed so rehearsed? do i really really mean sth? or is it just 'another girl' for you? fuck, i really dont know. dont try to enlighten me. i cant take anymore of this.
sleepless nights spent fighting with my inner self. re-reading the messages, once twice or even thrice just to feel the warmth again and again. do you even know it? no, and you never will. cos im just 'another girl'.
its foolish i know. really. but everyones a fool in love. you gotta admit that. somehow i feel im widening the gap between us? now the pretence is really obvious. or perhaps its just me. if knowing this will actually change things between us, i hell do not want you to know anything. i only have myself to blame. fuck myself for relenting and telling you the things ive been keeping to myself. im naive to think it'l make me feel better. cos its not. im feeling worse. worse than i ever felt.
i so need to hug you. will it be cold? yes, i think it will be. it will still be cold. it has always been cold. no, i wont know. ive not touched you before. its not surprising. since i was fighting so hard to push you away. and now you wont come back.
fuck blog, its 0610. im having a paper soon. this is driving me crazy. i hate pretending im alright. i hate acting like im ok. i hate smiling to conceal my troubles. i hate it. and now im going through it again. somebody please shoot me.
posted by EVANGELINE THE GREAT at
5:58 AM
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