i wish i didnt type that post yesterday.
i voiced out my fears and those fears came true.

its scary how you can read my mind.
i decided to address the issue then you actually already had a problem with the issue.
scary isnt it?

'it hurts. it hurts so so so badly that the word isnt even 'hurt' anymore. ' how true can this sentence be? thanks to that someone who can relate to me. appreciate it.

perhaps that person's right. it hurts so much it doesnt hurt anymore. im going through hell. i dont know if you are. if you are, youre certainly not showing it. oh well, my day was a mess. it revolved a lot around crying. hahaha.

and that someone said my hahahas were all so forced out. really? try laughing when youre going through what i am going through.

and its only been A DAY. god, i act like ive been isolated from you for a few years. well, it sure feels that way. replaying those words in my mind only brings a fresh round of tears. i wonder when my tears will actually be used up. hahaha.

after DAY ONE of isolation, i came to the conclusion that i have NO selfdisciplne and NO selfcontrol. oh yes, and i know what i want. or at least, i THINK i know what i want.

je veux tu.

because i know that its hell when i dont have you.
life has certainly lost its meaning.



and the way those grey eyes stare back at my tear-filled ones. you seem so far away. perhaps you are.
grey2.jpg
OWCH.




i know you know we've had some good times
but now they have their own hiding place.




THURS 11TH MAY 2006 ; DAY ONE OF HELL.