you were everything i thought you weren't
good? bad? i'd say whatever.
the pain. the excruciating pain.
i feel the blood. it courses through my veins
it tells me what i should feel.
but no veins lead to my heart
numbed. every fucking thing is numbed.

if you must, leave.
if you please, stay.
playing around with words won't change the meaning of the truth.
playing around with my heart too, won't.

you're that angel from my nightmare.
in that blood-stained night gown
flapping at your bruised ankles
i see the rusty chains clasped around your twig-like legs
biting deep into your skin.
you stood in front of the door
your silhouette against the dark, forbidding sky.
sometimes i wonder if i want you there in the first place.
then again, maybe i do.
you stand there, with your fist poised in mid-air
your bruised, bleeding knuckles.
they tell me of the pain you feel
you want to get near me
you want to enter that door,
that door, into my life.

dark, depressing
love, lies and bleeding.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is Love.

am i shackled by insanity?
that insanity which drives me to outdo myself.
do i really want you? that pining and craving,
is it all for real?
do i love you? that suffocation yet fulfillment
is it my nightmare?
are you my nightmare?

the love overwhelms, overpowers.
overdosed.
this is perhaps the poison
to that soft, sweet love we once had.'

can you still feel me the way you did back then?
can you still kiss my lips and feel the sweet warmth?
can you still hold me close and hear my heart beating in sync with yours?
can you still gaze into my eyes and see our future?
can i still make your heart race when i smile?
can i still make you smile with my calls?
can i still have your heart for keeps?
can i still show you the meaning of love?

can We?
learn, please learn.
it's never been you. it's never been me. it's been Us.
Us who are the gurus of torment and deception.
Us whose forte lies in plunging daggers deep into each other's hearts
Us whose words are poison
Us who turn our hearts into stone but weep like a baby later on.
Us whose minds are so twisted, they seem to revolve around inflicting pain. Only.
what exactly do We want from Us?
tell me.
tell me because i need to know.
i can't save us from falling, i can't do this alone.
the abyss seems to be beckoning to me.
it's calling me, it's telling me to release my grip on this
and fall.
crash hard.
blood.
death.
The end.

that sad, brutal ending we probably wished for.
but even as i lay there struggling for my life
i'd reach out for your hand, your ice cold hand
hold it tight and close to my heart
and whisper, ' i've never regretted this love.'
indeed, i'll never.
i love you baby.